drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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