There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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