I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
