I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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