He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was confusing and full of hummus
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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