Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
