I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
