Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
