I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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