apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
