So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
