so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
