here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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