We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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