The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
