It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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