Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
