i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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