The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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