For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
