Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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