it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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