I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
