He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
