We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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