everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
