remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
