I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
