we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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