Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Mom said you looked used
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
