and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
