I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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