we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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