It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
