You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
