Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
