Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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