The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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