My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
