I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
