SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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