Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
where are you?
Hypothermia
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
