I seem to have left my pride at pride
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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