Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
