He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
