Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
