You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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