I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
