I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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