apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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