At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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