sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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