your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
