I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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