My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
