I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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