make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He shit in the fireplace
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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