to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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