it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
