Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
