The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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