I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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