Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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